Thursday, September 8, 2011

Could it be?

It's 7:40pm. I am resting on the couch and feeling waves of contractions although it is still far too early to tell if this is it or just practice. I spent a lovely day visiting with my friend Kelly and her sweet pea daughter. The girls played together here at my house while we mamas relaxed and caught up. The last two weeks we have been surrounded by such a bubble of love, it has been amazing!  Our newly arrived friends have taken great care of us, helping to finish our massive to do list, throwing in some elbow grease with dishes/chores, and helping us to keep Cora tuckered out.

So much of this pregnancy has been marked with anxiety and fear of the pending birth, it's been a huge bummer and a challenge I have tried again and again to reverse.  In the last week my energy has changed drastically. It feels as if life has slowed down and all of my focus has turned inward. It takes a monumental effort for me to focus on anything outside of the small bubble of my home and family. This feels so natural and good, and much of the anxiety has magically dissipated. The fear of the birth is being replaced with a deep excitement to be meeting our new daughter soon. I am also feeling a sense of surrender, as if I have done everything I know how to do and now it is time to just take the ride and see how it goes.

My nesting has been taking on hilarious fits and starts. I felt anxious to get out of the house for a few minutes tonight. Once Scott was home I took off for Target to get baby wipes and other sundries we were low on. It was once I was there that I realized I had been feeling contractions all day and some of them were intense enough that I had to stop walking and just hold onto the cart. Then I almost bought a flat screen TV, because, you know, that's a logical and methodical decision to make without your partner there. I called Scott and he talked me down off of the ledge and I made it home without a new TV.  Phew.

Now I am resting as comfortably as possible as I move through these cramping contractions. I wonder what the night will hold for us. Perhaps I will rest and it will all slow down and the baby will wait another day. Perhaps not.

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