Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Little brother or sister?

There are many times lately that I am struck by the deep understanding that life is much simpler with one baby then two. I find myself cuddling Cora easily whenever she needs it and answering her calls at night acutely aware of how easy it is to meet the needs of only one child. We are in a fantastic phase where she is "easy" to care for. Sleep is going very well and Cora is independent enough to entertain herself for sweet little pockets of the day. I will find her quietly flipping through her books, cuddling the teddy bear her grandma Shannon made her, or sitting in her dresser drawer pooping in her diaper. I am so grateful for this phase, for the ability to rest up before the new baby arrives and we swing into sleeplessness once again.

I had a 19 week ultrasound last week to check the baby and determine the sex. Oddly enough I found myself wondering if I really wanted to know, pondering if I could handle the great mystery for the rest of the pregnancy. Scott and I discussed it and I realized I really did want to know, I was just feeling that this pregnancy is going so fast that I can hardly keep up. Sometimes it feels as if it is happening TO me and not WITH me. This week is the half way point and it hardly seems possible.

At the doctors office the ultrasound began with a heady mix of fear and excitement. Even after a healthy pregnancy with Cora I can not shake the fact that there have been many ultrasounds in my life that delivered sad news. It is always stressful no matter how confident I am. I have had enough of these that I understood everything we were looking at, when we were measuring the circumference of the baby's abdomen, the location of the kidneys, the different hemispheres of the brain, the four chambers of the heart. What a relief that everything looked good, baby seems to be developing wonderfully.

And baby is a girl!!!!!!!! When the ultrasound technician told us that I was overcome with joy. Pure joy that Cora would have a sister, joy that we would have 'the Calanca girls'. I have loved parenting Cora and as much as I know there will be challenges, I am looking forward to parenting two girls.

Cora with her first baby doll. She was visiting a friend who had one and she reacted so positively we figured it was time for her to have her own. She loves her baby, cuddles her close and kisses her head. I'm hoping this is a good sign for her little sister to come.

In other news I am looking forward to having the my braces removed. After 2 years and 3 months it is time! I can not imagine going through another pregnancy and delivery with these things in my mouth. I am very grateful to have them but it's time to move on. I can not even imagine what I will look like without them but I am looking forward to finding out. I go back to the orthodontist in a few weeks and hopefully (finger's crossed) they will remove them then. Wish me luck.

I continue to struggle with whether to stop working or not. The nerve pain continues, although it is being managed well with stretching, chiropractic and massage but I worry about creating long term damage. Decisions must be made and I am hesitating.

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