Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Oregon Spring

It is in some of the oddest moments that I am flooded with a love for motherhood. I always knew I would relish the kiddos but thought I would loath being surrounded by the detritus of small children, the blocks, socks and toys everywhere. While we've managed to keep the number of toys under control they are of course scattered all throughout the house, but I don't care. I love walking into the bathroom and seeing our gorgeous subway tiled bathtub full of waterproof books and rubber duckies. I find comfort in the baby doll, half naked and drunk looking hanging upside down from the arm chair. Signs that our house is alive with family, bustling with energy and growth.

She is getting so big, I swear I can see her little girl face in this photo.
Maybe I would have always felt this way, had this tolerance but I think it is actually one of the myriad ways my infertility struggle has affected the parent I am. Too many years were spent wondering if I would ever have this kind of chaos to call my own and now that it is here it is intoxicating.  It makes me giddy and I still stop and pinch myself in case it isn't real. The big test of this zen like tolerance comes in moments like this morning while I was sitting with Cora in my lap waiting for a family changing room to open up at the community center. We had just finished her swimming class and were having a nice cuddle in warm towels, relaxing and waiting our turn. Then I felt it, the hot flow of liquid soaking through the towel, through my dress and running down the inside of my lower legs. Pooling below me it looked like I had peed all over myself and it was of course Cora. These are the moments when I fully expect to be annoyed but the most amazing thing happens. I start to smile, then I start giggling, then I am hugging her and telling her how much I love her. Maybe this is true with all parents, a great secret I never knew. This deep love that I never fully understood until now and it is wondrous.

The latest baby is growing every day and my body is changing so quickly. I'm 17 weeks along now and have included a belly shot. It's true for me what they say about showing with second pregnancies very quickly. I can not believe how large and in charge this belly is and can only hope that it will slow down in its wildness as the pregnancy progresses. For now I am trying to embrace finally being at the point where people figure you are growing a human, not just nursing a fantastic beer belly.

Cora is developing oh so quickly and this phase rocks! She is talking more and more. While the words are scattered she is playing around with the sounds of conversation, making all sorts of grunts and squeaks and strung together "stories" only she can understand. We are getting her ready for summer and have big plans to build her a water table to play in. We are stocking up on bubble blowing supplies, sidewalk chalk and sunscreen, now we just need the Oregon weather to cooperate.

Cora kickin' it at the playground during the only sunny day last week.
Enjoying a day at the beach despite the weather.

1 comment:

  1. love this entry.... your experience of parenting certainly rings true for me...

    you all look great - man I wish I could be there to hug you and that belly, beautiful mama!

    miss you