Saturday, April 2, 2011

It's really happening

It finally feels real, this growing of our family. Soon there will be two little people filling our lives. True to form, after all of my pregnancy losses I held out getting attached to this one. It was even easier to disconnect since I have a 13 month old to chase around. Waiting and watching and biding my time, no longer sweating out every minute until the next ultrasound.

Here we are, 16 weeks in and I can feel the baby moving. Holy cow, this is really happening. It is in the last week that I have gotten real about the fact that I am pregnant, real about the fact that this is my last few months with just Cora.

This has in turn helped me reevaluate. I've been experiencing some pretty extreme physical pain, neck problems and nerve impingement. I know exactly what is happening, it is my job to know this. I help people with these issues all the time, as in every week, sometimes every day of that week. The problem is I can't help people that much right now.

This pain has been a gift in many ways. It stopped me in my tracks. It forced me to sit down and take a damn breath. It forced to to humbly seek out new practitioners as most of my network has moved away and/or dried up. Now it's the Saturday of my week off and the first morning I have woken up pain free. Slowly but surely I am coming around and change is in the air.

I've decided to work less, much less. This time in my life is not so much about aggressively growing my business. It is about enjoying these children we doubted we would ever meet. I will continue to work, but at a much slower and simpler pace. No longer will I stress when I can not get a client in within 48 hour.  I will come to terms with the fact that what I offer is valuable enough that people will be okay with booking a few weeks in advance. For those of you who know me personally you will understand what a struggle it was to arrive at this point. My urge to help my clients and grow my business is a powerful and driving force. Having the faith that it will be ready to grow again when I am ready is a point I am slowly arriving at.

So that's that. A changing of focus, beginning to connect with this baby. Looking forward to rocking this summer for all it's worth.

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