Monday, November 7, 2011

Autumn And A Rushing River

It's 6:30am, I've been up since 2am. I am sitting by the wood stove, listening to the water boil on top with the tea tree oil I added to it diffusing into the air. We are sick, well, all of us but Scott. A head cold has us holed up and my suppressed immune system means that the Thrush I have been so carefully eradicating has come back with a vengeance. It bums me out so much, because not only does it hurt really bad, it negatively affects my nursing Harlow. At this point I am mostly pumping and bottle feeding her because it hurts too much to have her latch on. A desperate email to my amazing doctor in the wee hours of the morning was already answered and help is only a few hours and a pharmacy trip away.

I am sitting here looking at the fire, looking at my sweet babe who is finally sleeping next to me, and pondering the future. I do try every day to live in the moment, to dwell in the now, and I feel that I do a good job of it. I am thinking about the future this morning because the tides are changing around here and all of the sudden there is a sense of 'movement'. Do you know what I mean by that? There are times in life that no matter how badly we want change, no matter how hard we push for it, the greater picture is pretty set and the change doesn't come. Then there are times in life that no matter how stationary you feel, it's as if life has become a flowing river and you better just hang on and ride the waves. I can not fully explain it, but it feels like for my family, somewhere downriver of us a dam has been cleared and the tug of the water rushing to meet it's new course is pulling us with it and it will only speed up.

It makes sense to me that I would reach for a water metaphor to explain this. Lately I have been dreaming over and over again that I am standing in a river fly fishing, lifting a trout out into the sun. Over and over. It's a good dream.

I have no idea what the next phase holds for us, but I recognise this pausing before leaping over the precipice. Big, good change is in store, we just have to be patient and let it develop.

Back to the day to day flow, life is so very good and full. I am amazed at how much of every moment is spent functioning for these kiddos. Every moment there is something to be doing, sitting down to blog or check email feels like an oasis in the middle of the chaos.

Cora is changing every day, new words and new behavior so rapid that her poor, exhausted parents can hardly keep up. Some of the defiance of the dreaded terrible two's is appearing. She has also entered a phase where she is experimenting with hitting. Back to the bookstore I went and Cora now has a book called "Hands Are Not For Hitting." Hopefully that helps.

Harlow is growing right before our eyes. She turned 6 weeks old yesterday and is wearing 3-6month clothing, and even some of those are tight on her. This coming Thursday we have a doctors appointment and I am looking forward to seeing where she falls on the % scale of weight/height.

Here are a few photos of this fall. We had a great day at an apple festival and I am just now catching up to putting them on here. Cora's favorite food right now is applesauce so this day was great fun for all of us, and we went home and made applesauce.

And because this outfit is so cute, here are some Farmer's Market photos:

1 comment:

  1. I just got caught up on the last few posts, and had to drop a note. I really hope you're feeling better by now...or at least on a healing path! I love you and miss you and I'm so glad I got to visit with you recently. Hugs and healthy immune system vibes coming your way, mamma!