This weekend was a rough one. I was at the end of my rope with exhaustion and no time for myself. I never seem to be able to have this conversation with Scott when I am awake and coherent. No, that would make too much sense. Instead it's at 2am when I wake him up and plead with him for more help that my patience boils over and feeling get hurt.
So our weekend was lurching along like that, trying to communicate and restructure our approach to Cora's sleep while both being exhausted with huge "to do" lists just wasn't working. We were both trying to get things done in the house so we could tackle the chicken coop which needed its quarterly deep clean. Then the old apple tree in the lawn took its last sigh and fell over, root ball and all, onto our beautiful hammock that was a gift from my lovely mother in law. Seriously universe? Really?
When I got the call Sunday afternoon (while at the farm store with Cora picking up a bale of hay for the chickens) that the babysitter was cancelling for our date that night I just about lost it. Our date was a light at the end of a very long tunnel and just like that it had been snuffed out. I came home and Scott woke up from a much needed nap and we both knew we were too defeated to make any more calls for another babysitter. We decided instead to clean the kitchen...did I mention we are both Virgos?
So a few hours later when our babysitter called back to say she could indeed come and sit with Cora it was an unexpected delight. A quick flurry of clothing change, a few wisps of makeup, a quick nursing of Cora and we were out the door and heading to a movie. Movie going is one thing I knew would be difficult to give up. Pre-baby we went to lots of movies, being blessed to live in a city with several half priced pub theaters it was always an affordable treat. Since Cora has been born that has slowed down and I miss it, so heading out for a movie date was incredibly exciting.
We settled in and the movie wasn't even all that entertaining, I was just high on the smell of popcorn and holding Scott's hand in the dark theater stopping to look at each other and laugh together at the funny moments. At one point in the film I got up to get us another beer. When I came back in to the theater I took a moment and just stood in the back, taking it all in. The dark room, all those people grouped in clusters watching the light travel through the air to entertain us on the screen. A few precious hours away from bills, traffic, what's for dinner and did the laundry get changed over. Heaven.
Once the movie is out it's a race home with a pit of excitement in my stomach to see and cuddle Cora. Life feels so good and full right now, such a change from the sadness of the last few years. We worked so hard to get to this point, hung on when life was pounding us against the rocks. I'm so fortunate to be here.
After I thanked the babysitter, kissed Scott goodnight and got Cora to sleep I danced around the house on tip toe. Like a thief in the night I removed frozen blueberries from the freezer, checked to see, and yes we had exactly four eggs from the chickens, smelled the buttermilk to make sure it wasn't bad and did my one of my favorite things. Baked blueberry muffins for my family. No mixer this time, just my hand in the bowl bringing it all together and smushing it into the muffin tins fingers slippery with butter. Then I sat down with my cup of tea while the house filled with that delicious baking smell and took it all in.
Not a bad way to end a weekend that started out so brutally difficult.
Thank god for:
date nights
hubbies who help in the middle of the night
good, strong local beer
a baby who decided to sleep well for one night
and extra large muffin tins
No comments:
Post a Comment