Whewwww....

We are somehow surviving the third wettest spring on record here in Oregon. Words will not do justice to the miserable state we are in. The lawn is bogged down, the chickens are soaking wet, the garden isn't fully planted and the house desperately needs an airing out. Most of my friends/family have mild chest colds that simply will not go away. We all desperately need a huge dose of blazing hot sun to burn off the cold, the funk, the exhaustion and depression. Blaaahhhh.....

As unbearable as the things are outside, things inside our cozy little nest are rocketing along. Cora turned four months old and has made several developmental leaps. She is now able to grab objects and bring them to her mouth and two nights ago she rolled over on her own for the first time and then started giggling at us. It is an amazing moment the first time you hear your child laugh, hear their voice changing and catching just a glimpse of what they may sound like when they begin talking. Magical.

I have been in a externally quiet internally turbulent phase for the past few weeks. I've been mulling and mulling in my mind the concept of how much I should/want to be working right now. For weeks I felt trapped by my emotional response to my job which was quickly approaching burn out. I kept arriving at the notion that I should quit for awhile, after all we have waited years to have Cora and now that she is here it is going so quickly. But then I think of how hard I have worked to build my practice and arrive at the place I am in professionally. It would be a shame to just turn my back on that.

Torn between these opposing thoughts I sweated it out for weeks. This is how my thought process works. I have to remember to relax while the concepts percolate, I can not force the answer, I have to wait for it. I finally had a breakthrough and have decided to work one day a week and take a few hours for myself a second day a week. The work I do is very draining, as in I am giving of myself and can easily be depleted. I remember this concept coming up in school and mentoring and hearing fellow therapists talk about this sort of depletion/burnout. I am lucky to have avoided it until now. Until now massage was the place I went to quiet my own overactive mind, to meditate for one hour chunks and help another person along the way. It was a relief, a retreating from my own anxious overactive mind.

Along the way assuming my new role as mama I no longer have the luxury of lingering in my mind ad nauseum. Now I crave some alone time to let my mind wander where it may. I know this period in life is short lived, that soon Cora will be up and running around and not needing me as intensely as she does now. But for the moment this is where we are, and when it comes time for me to step away for a few minutes it is time for myself I need the most. Currently that time is spent working on helping others to feel better and though that is rewarding I am exhausted and feeling very energetically depleted.

Of course I also love what I do for a living and believe that it keeps me balanced and healthy in many respects. In the spirit of not giving up on it I am going to try this new schedule and see if the burnout feeling fades. Hopefully by honoring my own need for rejuvenation I can still be strong and present for Cora, myself and for my clients. We shall see how it goes, I hope it works.

And of course we have photos! Cora is getting so healthy and chubby so quickly, I love it! I just want to kiss her cheeks all day long. At her last doctor's appointment we found out she is doing great and went from being a very tiny baby to measuring in the 75th percentile for her weight. Apparently breast feeding is working well for her.

One Month:

Four Months


Tummy time on the changing table

Sitting in her highchair for the first time, propped up with blankets

My sweet, smiling girl. She is so happy and smiles all the time.
Look how tiny she was in this same dress just a few weeks ago!

Her first pair of jeans, getting ready to meet uncle Jeff for dinner

She loves her uncle Jeff!

Jeff took this photo while we were having dinner. It is my all time favorite photo of Cora!!!

Summer Love

Wow, she is developing so quickly. I want to hold her all of the time but I see & understand how much she thrives from time in her pack n play with her toys and soft blanket. She talks to her toys and squeals with delight, reaches up for the unattainable owl mobile and practices scooting her body around in a wide circle. I am learning to set her down during the day and let her mind grow.

We survived our first major road trip, 9 hours to Missoula, a three day stay, then 9 hours back. Cora traveled with me and her uncle Jeff, Scott was working overtime on the weekend and will be for most of May/June as we prepare for some travel later in the summer.
Cora in her car seat:
I was really nervous to take Cora on this trip, her first long car drive and me without Scott to co parent. For several days before departure I sat with the question of whether or not to do this. On the one hand, in my pre-parent days I would take the chance of a quick trip at the drop of a hat, especially to somewhere that I love. I try to be flexible in my life and give priority to travel, and I've always loved road trips. On the other hand my daughter just turned 3 months old and I had never been completely alone for a weekend of taking care of her. In the end the urge to not sacrifice my love of travel and spontaneity combined with my belief in getting up and moving with your kids won. Away we went!

Cora and uncle Jeff along the way


The other major factor in taking this trip was the knowledge that my best friend in the whole world was graduating from college. This is a big deal as life has taken her on many adventures and she was never sure she would walk across that stage to claim her diploma, with her two beautiful daughters watching from the audience. I also knew she was having a party to celebrate and I badly wanted to surprise her. I am so proud of her!


I am so glad that we went. Cora did great and we had such a fun time. On the drive I pumped milk and fed her from a bottle, stopping every few hours to give her some time to roll around and get a vigorous massage from mama. Here are some of my most favorite photos of her, playing on a blanket at a rest stop in Idaho.




The weather was incredible for the drive to Montana. After months/years in the city it is a salve to my soul to get out where the vista stretches to the horizon. The sky was a brilliant blue with fluffy clouds spaced as perfectly as could be. The hills of eastern Washington and Oregon were brilliantly green which I've never seen before as they turn brown and yellow almost immediately once the warm weather hits. This stretch of the drive is normally a bit torturous for me as it can be monotonous in color and seems to take forever. This time it was like an awakening, driving through a technicolor movie set. Simply gorgeous and so relaxing.


Once we arrived in Missoula we helped celebrate the graduation of my best friend Heather and our beloved friend Mike (who married us). It was a great weekend spent with a balance of quiet time for us and a whirlwind of seeing friends and family.

Mike and Ushka greet Cora

Cora made a new friend, Anna Marie is three months older. Is it just me or does Cora look like she has had a bit too much to drink?



My parent's came down from the Flathead Valley and spent Friday with us. They brought their three dogs who we took to the dog park, Missoula has the best dog park in the world! You can't beat such a beautiful spot and it's an island in the river!
This was the first time my dad met Cora and it was so sweet to watch him hold her and talk to her and shower her with love.




Cora hanging at Heather's graduation party, rockin' the sun hat with Amy who was visiting from Seattle

Heather's daughters Mazey and Meta meet Cora for the first time
Cora loves Amy!


Another fun random allignment during our visit was that our friends Dave and Tele were driving cross country to move back from Portland to Baltimore. They happened to be staying in Missoula Sunday night so I got one more chance to see them.

Dave, Tele and their daughter Bea. Some of you may recognize their dog, it's Xena who we fostered last summer! Xena started her life in Anaconda, MT, moved to Portland, OR and is now headed to the east coast. That's one well travelled dog.


My favorite time of day in Montana is when dusk fades into night. The many layers and depths of blue that come alive are beyond my descriptive ability. The night seems to bloom up and wrap around you as the mountains and trees cease to be individuals and take on the appearance of an ink drawing.




Last but not least, one of my favorite spots, the place where we were married and where we first dared to dream of Cora...

3 Months

We have made it to the three month mark! Cora is getting stronger every day, holding up her head and looking all over the place. She is like a baby periscope, no longer content to lay on her back she wants to be held upright so she can see everything going on.


One Month
Two Months
Three Months